Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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