Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
