Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
