1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
