first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
