Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
