i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
