She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
