I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
