just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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