The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
