yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
