We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
