Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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