me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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