my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
