Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The air was thick with penises
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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