Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
