last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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