all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize