i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
