Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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