She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
