So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
