no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
