Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
