I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
time to smoke my breakfast
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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