he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
