I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
