he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
