I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
