I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
