just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
