Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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