I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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