She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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