dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize