Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
