Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
