No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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