The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
