she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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