No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We don't watch enough power rangers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
