I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
