I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
