He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
