He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
