Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
