Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ruined the universe
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
