I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
