I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
