I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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