spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
