This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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