something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
