And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's get the cat blown out
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
