there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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