I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize