If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone signed my nipple.
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