Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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