My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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