He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
