apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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