id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
