Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
