I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
