This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
