what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
