I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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