she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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