I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
