Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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