She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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