I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
