kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
