Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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