You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
