do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
