He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize