Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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