My hand turned me down
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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