My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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