I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
