i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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