God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
