dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
