so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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